Q. Can a fool ask more questions than a wise man can answer?
A. No, fool.

Q. Why do the Scots get cancer?
A. Because they deserve it.

Q. If Jesus and Buddha had a fight, who would win?
A. Jesus. Buddha was a big man, but out of shape, having spent most of his life sitting on his fat behind. Jesus was the outdoors type, good with his hands and prone to fits of temper. A wiry fighter who knew he could take the pain. There would be no contest, the nimble footed Son of God would be able wear his laughing dough-boy opponent down, running rings round him and letting his own higher stamina win the match.

Q. Are you joking?
A. Are you seriously asking me?

Q. Are you one of us?
A. Actually, I am one of them.

Q. Is this train going to Tower Hill?
A. Yes

Q. Will you sell me some cocaine?
A. Due to certain legal constraints, we are no longer able to offer this service over the internet. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.