Apathy Rules UK

The story so far…
All over the west voters are not voting. The presidential ballot in Zimbabwe had a higher turn out than the last British general election indicating that some countries have a greater desire to rubber stamp the re-election of a crazed control freak than others. The president of Iran has a greater popular mandate than the president of America. The French don't seem to have noticed or do not care p>Despite their enormous vanity, our politicians quite like to be ignored for the less scrutiny they face the better. Our silence is clearly contempt, yet they view it as consent and "contentment".

At this point, in case you think I am unduly cynical, I feel bound to quote once again the absurd words of my sworn enemy Jack Straw on the occasion of the 2001 Labour election victory...

"We will find after the election there are loads more people who wanted a Labour victory than actually turned out to vote. So the state of the moral authority will paradoxically be greater than that of the vote." (It makes me mad!)

This is what happens when we stand idly by, and if we don't vote we cannot really complain too much. The apathy is appalling if understandable. It doesn't have to be this way. The democratic instinct is alive and well in this country, people love to express their views - just go earwigging in your local boozer tonight to hear a thousand opinions ardently expressed. Just look at Pop Idols; debate raged wild and eight million people actually paid for the chance to choose between two bland, smiling, near-identical nonentities spewing forth saccharine hot air. (Tony and Ian take note.)

While I cannot ever imagine anyone paying to vote for Bleaugh or Ian Duncan Who, One Monkey thinks there a few changes we could make to boost the participation in the electoral process.

1. Dial 'M' for Mandelson
The huge numbers of votes cast in polls for Big Brother, Pop Idols and all the rest is in itself, deeply depressing. But gives clear hope and inspiration to electoral reformers: people will vote as long as they do not have to get off their sofas to do so.

The next chance we get let us conduct a phone-in election. Seems straight forward enough; the technology exists. Why can't it be secure? I am regularly on the phone getting my bankers to transfer vast sums of money to the Cayman Islands upon my word. Choosing between red, yellow, blue and green seems straight forward by comparison. (Though the system could break down if anyone ever discovers my mother's maiden name.)

2. Order! Order!
If we want to make electoral access easier then why should people have to even lift a finger? Every month I lephony without even realising it; standing orders whisk my money away to whoever requires it. I have direct debits to take care of the cost of my mortgage, my mobile and Fido, my adoptive hippotamus at London zoo. My Private Eye subscription renews itself automatically and various Yet every time I want to vote I have to trek to the polls and sign my name in the little box.

Why can't I set up some Standing Order that will cast my vote at every available opportunity from now on until the end of never? As it happens I always vote for the same party, but there is no reason why I cannot switch at any time. And I will not miss all the tabloids; Europe, GLA, local councils and the rest.

A far healthier form of passive voting than Mr. Straw's paradoxical assumptions.

3. Electoral Lottery
As Tony knows bribery is an integral part of politics. So why not make it work for us? Every person voting should be entered in a lottery, with substantial prizes at ward, constituency, district and national levels. The National Lottery proves that this one's a winner. If every Wednesday and Saturday people pay to put six ticks in boxes in the hope of winning big, then transferring this mechanism to the ballot box where only one cross is required and entry will be free is sure to give democracy a boost.

4. Party funding
When you see a million school kids killing themselves on cool and mild Camels you begin to understand the power of advertising. Bernie Ecclestone and Tony Blair understand it too. This makes for one of the biggest problems with our current political plaster the nation's billboards with propaganda, they need money to print the forests of leaflets with which they carpetbomb us, to pay the city style salaries of the armies of Armanied wonks and spin doctors. Rich men provide the money and inevitably this makes the parties beholden.

The trouble is I cannot conceive of a better system. Restrictions on donations and spending are constraints on freedom. If I want to give a million of my earth pounds to the Natural Law party, why can't I? As long it is out in the open, who can object?

TB, IDS &co. should wear their affiliations on their sleeves, literally so. Like racing drivers they should be plastered with the logos of their corporate and trade union sponsors.

5. One Monkey, Many Votes
The biggest problem is our unrepresentative voting system. First Past the Post (FPTP) doesn't work. In 2001:

The Labour Party won 40.7% of the vote and 62.5% of the seats.

The Conservative Party won 31.7% of the vote and 25.2% of the seats.

The Liberal Democrats won 18.3% of the vote and 7.9% of the seats.

This is already unfair even before you take account of smaller parties without a hope of a voice, tactical voting, whole regions with no representation for second and third party supporters. Half of the MPs in GB were elected with the support of less than 50% of their voters. Proportional elsewhere but merely direct you to a few starting points..
http://www.charter88.org.uk/
http://www.electoral-reform.org.uk/

Emergency Powers

Naturally, these reforms will not be readily accepted by the incumbent political establishment, so the best immediate plan is to make me dictator (just temporarily) while I enact the necessary changes and then I'll hand the country right back. (I promise!)

Monday, 1st July 2002