It seems that if I say that only one of these is certainly true, and the rest are 'alleged' then my butt is covered. However, my legal adviser is a gambler and a crack-addict and I can never get a straight answer from him, so maybe I've got it wrong. But you can't choose your parents, can you?
Is it possible to libel a corporation? I have certainly tried.
Mel C is the father of my child.
Stephen Hawking invented Black Holes out of nothing to make himself famous. Neither he or Christopher Reeve need their wheelchairs, they are just pretending to be crippled to boost their flagging public profiles.
Anita Roddick hunts foxes.
Pope John Paul II was a warden in Belsen during the war.
Tony Blair beats his wife.
Stephen Speilberg and Nelson Mandela both have slaves, that they keep locked in their basements.
Quentin Tarantino has never tried drugs, not even Junior Dispirin.
Bill Clinton sacrificed his first born child (a boy) to win himself the presidency.
Trevor MacDonald is a herion addict.
Francis Crick and James Watson copied the formula for DNA off of the person sitting next to them in the laboratory.
Saddam Hussein works for the CIA.
Princess Diana is braindead.
All Thomas Pynchon and Barbara Cartland's novels are ghost written, (by computers.)
Prince is impotent.
Bill Gates murdered his first ever business partner, the one who had all the good ideas.
Noel and Liam went to Eton
Whenever Michael Jackson goes to the toilet his turds are vacuum packed and sent by secure mail back to his LA mansion, as he is paranoid about it being sold to his adoring fans, (without him receiving his royalties.)
Both of Gerry Adams' parents are English and he was born in Tunbridge Wells.
Lord Archer cannot do joined up writing.
Ian Paisley is a power-mad bigot, lacking a single Christian bone in his body.
Madonna regularly has sex with her Dobermann Pinschers.
Woody Allen isn't Jewish.
Oprah couldn't care less.
Gaddaffi is as sane as you or I.
Sarah, Duchess of York sells her body to rich foreigners.
Glaxo Welcome has found cures for three types of cancer, but will not publish details until they have full worldwide patents.
Philip Morris has known cigarettes can kill for 25 years, so have ALL western governments.
Prince Charles is impotent.
E-mail your libels to: caspar@onemonkey.org
Apparently - The Net needs Libel Laws like I need a psychiatrist.
©1998 caspar@onemonkey.org